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This blog post is inspired by all the cute baby pictures and statuses that my friends post on various social networks. I kept looking at them for weeks, until this morning I thought that I also have that special little one, that gives me a rainbow of feelings every single day, but of which I am increasingly proud.

My baby was born at the end of September. Her name is Thesis. This name derives from ancient Greek and means “setting down”. It didn’t take me long to come up with this name – I guess I always knew what the name of my first child would be. It took me longer to think about all the related details, such as the country where she would grow, things that I would like her to learn and other defining characteristics. My little Thesis is not even yet “set down”, but I am looking at her growing up, watching how her features slowly but surely develop, and it makes me a happy and proud mom. Those who never had a child don’t know what they are missing.

I am raising my child alone, which is a difficult task. I could not do without the help of my Godmother, who is often there to provide motherhood advice and guidance. She is there to support me on the days when I question my ability of being a good mother, and there to cheer for me when my baby Thesis smiles at me or learns something new. I found that I like dressing my baby Thesis up – one day she wears a red dress, then another day she’s all white and the only colour I see is her dark eyes blinking at me. As she grows, though, she starts to develop a character herself and with her little fingers points me to the cloth that she would like to wear today. She seems to not really fancy that white dress much…

Thesis is still very small and young, but she is starting to develop her personality and curiously look at the world in front of her. She is shy and has yet not seen many people, but in a couple of months I will start introducing her to the wider family, beginning to detach her from myself. I can imagine this will not be an easy process, but, after all, who said motherhood was easy? Baby Thesis learns, and, standing by her side, I learn together. My baby grows and I grow together. And then one day, I will need to learn how to let her go and be independent. Sleepless nights beside her cradle will turn into sleepless nights thinking whether the new life experiences are making her become better. Motherhood will acquire a whole new meaning and yet remain a rainbow of feelings. I cannot wait to see my baby’s first steps.

 Tomorrow you will leave…
I cannot go with you.
You will be alone in this journey –
I cannot come.
It will last long
And your path will be uncertain.
But the warmth of my love
Will be your cover.

From: Fiorella Mannoia “In the journey” – mother’s song to her daughter

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